Moss, strangely, has found a place of meaning in my life.

Toby once remarked that moss is the oldest and most primitive plant. This is something that has always stuck with me. Moss often reminds me of him for this reason alone.

Recently, with the failure of our Papineau Homes project, moss now carries deeper meaning to me. Aside from being the world’s oldest plant, it’s also resilient, which I now need to be also as Emily and I figure out what to do next.

“We’ve taken mosses out of a packet after 100 years, squirted them with water and watched them come to life,” said Eldrige. “Their cells don’t disintegrate like ordinary plants do.”

It’s really hard. Papineau Homes was supposed to be a project to honour Toby. Since 2021, shortly after Toby died, Emily and I have spent the three years of our lives planning and preparing to build our dream home. We’d already had to make difficult choices to keep the project going, only for it to slam into a brick wall that we could not continue forward on.

And now, we start over. I’m exhausted. Deflated. Defeated. Out of necessity, Emily and I must just need to turn to something simple — primitive if you like — to recuperate and find our water again.